... so I says to Mabel, I says...

- Never give up.  You can never be certain where you are in the scheme of things, so always act as if you have more opportunities for advancement.

- Always look for new solutions to problems, and new avenues to get where you are going.

- Ask for help… from many sources. 

- Learn how to communicate with others in ways they can understand.

- If there is a map, read it.

- If lost, there is nothing wrong with occasionally following others who know better.

- Don’t get bogged down by possessions or sentiment (positive or negative).

- Even if others have a head start, you can still finish ahead of them.

- Others may appear disadvantaged, but they may surprise you.

- You must rely on your partner, so choose wisely.  

- If you (and especially, your partner) appear to have made the wrong decision, forego shame and strategize your next move.

- Your partner deserves your respect and support at all times.

- You are stronger, faster, smarter, and more resilient than you know and in different ways than you may expect.   So, take a risk.  You will surprise yourself.

- You are also more anxious, selfish, impatient, irrational, manipulative, and critical than you know.  When these traits surface: take a deep breath, appreciate the fact that others actually put up with you, then get ahold of yourself.

- Assume you can be mistaken and accept logical suggestions.

- If you are doing something that does not bear fruit, set a time limit to the endeavor.

- You may quit a task, but do it decisively.  Dithering wastes time and yields nothing.  Sometimes it is more efficient to see a difficult task through.

- You do not have to do tasks well, just well enough.

- If you appear to be the least successful person in a task, remember that your strengths may be favored in your next challenge.

- When given clues, pay attention, commit them to memory, and follow them closely.  Keeping track of the details can yield big gains and prevent penalties.

- Identify what is most important and hold on to it.  Some things are difficult to replace.

- Be frugal, but be willing to spend money for your advancement.

- You will get screwed.  This happens to everyone.

- You will get a dose of good luck.  This, too, happens to everyone.

- When you come to the end, take pride in all you’ve accomplished.  Get your rest…

…then resume.

No. 1 - Madonna - Givenchy

M… E… T… MADONNA!!!

It’s no surprise to me that the top two spots went to women who actually experienced the 70s punk movement.  Westwood in London and Madonna in New York.  While Westwood focused heavily on the plaid aspect, Madonna dressed herself in punk love, all over her body: plaid, studs, torn fishnets, chains, and yes… a dog collar.  Oh, she remembered it all.  That night, Madonna embraced her own youth (rather than someone else’s… Ba dum bum!), and dove right in.  That’s the spirit!  She made every pretty princess starlet with a train look like a lady who’s lunch. 

No. 2 - Christina Ricci - Vivienne Westwood

Few can wear a corset like Christina Ricci, and no one can make one like Vivienne Westwood.  This is a fashion match that had to happen. And what better event for the two join forces?  I was sure this would be the winner of the night until…

No. 3 - January Jones - Chanel

JJ always takes risks so I shouldn’t be surprised that she was willing to ugly her face up with this futuristic glam rock look, but I kind of was, and pleasantly so.  By willing to look like a Mad Woman, Jones easily wins Best Hair and Makeup of the night.  (In this, she was rivaled only by the always great Emmy Rossum -whose gown, unfortunately, was just too damned sweet to make my list).  

No. 4 - Daisy Bevan - ???

The dress seems like Renaissance Vinyl and I adore it, but it’s the shoes that best fit the occasion.  They don’t appear to be moving in a spiral pattern, yet they’ve hypnotized me.  I desperately want to wear them with Sienna Miller’s jacket next time I go to buy cat food at Target.  

The Redgravelet even managed to upstage her formidable family tree - and that is saying a lot.

No. 5 - Sienna Miller and Cara Delevingne  - Burberry

The studded wonders!  I couldn’t care less about the sheaths under them, it’s all about the tops.  I find them spellbinding.  And they’re Burberry!  Burberry!  You know, the house known for the trench coats and the famous check print.  Burberry threw down!

No. 6 - Anja Rubik - Anthony Vaccarello

Hoorah!  After last year’s fashion disaster in which I described Rubik as looking as if she had been “pawed by an oversexed lion”…

…the mega model made a very rational comeback in this new wave jacket dress.  It’s like she ripped it right of the back of Ric Ocasek, added a tier of grommets, a pair of red heels and headed for the museum.

No. 7 - Gwen Stefani - Maison Martin Margiela

The irony here is that Stefani has been incorporating a punk element into her ensembles ever since her 1930s dust bowl depression- “I’m in my house dress barefoot but with supermatte red lipstick”- look of her early 90s “Don’t Speak” video days. Yet, punk is not quite on display here.  It’s like she’s been learning from Don Draper: The absence makes us think about it all the more.  While she looks spare and elegant here, we can imagine riot grrrl Stefani dousing herself with Heinz ketchup and drowning herself off the beach of a fancy Hawaiian hotel. 

No. 8 - Carey Mulligan - Balenciaga

I went back and forth on including this because, a) It’s New Wave as filtered through the minimalist 90s and then trickled up to today and b) the styling is too spare.  But frankly, I love it so much I just can’t care.  I imagine she hogtied Tilda Swinton, took her outfit (and her hairdo) and went in her stead, and really, that’s kind of punk, no?

No. 9 - Rooney Mara - Givenchy Couture

She always looks like this, so you know she probably arrived, looked around and thought “Oh, shit.  There was a theme?”   On previous red carpets, her goth tinge occasionally got tiresome, but here it worked to her best advantage.  A nice marriage of darkness and light.  Kudos to Givenchy for working with lace so beautifully and making your grandmother’s table cloth the last thing to come to mind.

Some women looked pretty as a picture (and some, like Katy Perry, chose to look exactly like one) but if their perfect ensembles didn’t have a hint of edge (I’m looking at you Jennifer Lawrence, Heidi Klum, and Uma Thurman), then they didn’t make the list because the theme of the night was “punk”.  

I realized very quickly, however, we would be getting very little of that.  On the red carpet, Pedro Almodóvar launched into the most fascinating story about how as a young man in Spain, he and his contemporaries, straining against the yoke of Franco, turned to punk fashion as a defiant show of individuality… and then he was abruptly cut off by Billy Norwich for being too interesting.  Fashion people, may I suggest that in future when someone is so eloquently lending gravitas, not only to your special event, but to your entire profession, you let him do that.

Anyhoo… the night, as I saw it, belonged to those who best spoke through their clothing to the theme of the evening.  Those who ignored it, are ignored by this list in return and have only their wealth, name recognition, worldwide adulation and fantastic looks to comfort them. Good luck with that.

Here we go…

No. 10 - Nina Dobrev - Monique Lhuillier

This is about as punk as Olivia Newton John was when she ground out the cigarette before singing “You’re The One That I Want” while wiggling around with John Travolta on an unsteady carnival contraption. But Grease came out in 1978, so… right time period.  That counts for something.  And she’s Dobrev.  So, may the fierce be with her (Hey, that reference is still in period).