... so I says to Mabel, I says...

Life Lessons from The Amazing Race

Sat, 18 May 2013 19:18:00 -0700

- Never give up. You can never be certain where you are in the scheme of things, so always act as if you have more opportunities for advancement.

- Always look for new solutions to problems, and new avenues to get where you are going.

- Ask for help… from many sources.

- Learn how to communicate with others in ways they can understand.

- If there is a map, read it.

- If lost, there is nothing wrong with occasionally following others who know better.

- Don’t get bogged down by possessions or sentiment (positive or negative).

- Even if others have a head start, you can still finish ahead of them.

- Others may appear disadvantaged, but they may surprise you.

- You must rely on your partner, so choose wisely.

- If you (and especially, your partner) appear to have made the wrong decision, forego shame and strategize your next move.

- Your partner deserves your respect and support at all times.

- You are stronger, faster, smarter, and more resilient than you know and in different ways than you may expect. So, take a risk. You will surprise yourself.

- You are also more anxious, selfish, impatient, irrational, manipulative, and critical than you know. When these traits surface: take a deep breath, appreciate the fact that others actually put up with you, then get ahold of yourself.

- Assume you can be mistaken and accept logical suggestions.

- If you are doing something that does not bear fruit, set a time limit to the endeavor.

- You may quit a task, but do it decisively. Dithering wastes time and yields nothing. Sometimes it is more efficient to see a difficult task through.

- You do not have to do tasks well, just well enough.

- If you appear to be the least successful person in a task, remember that your strengths may be favored in your next challenge.

- When given clues, pay attention, commit them to memory, and follow them closely. Keeping track of the details can yield big gains and prevent penalties.

- Identify what is most important and hold on to it. Some things are difficult to replace.

- Be frugal, but be willing to spend money for your advancement.

- You will get screwed. This happens to everyone.

- You will get a dose of good luck. This, too, happens to everyone.

- When you come to the end, take pride in all you’ve accomplished. Get your rest…

…then resume.

No. 1 - Madonna - Givenchy M… E… T… MADONNA!!! It’s no surprise to me...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:43:17 -0700

No. 1 - Madonna - Givenchy

M… E… T… MADONNA!!!

It’s no surprise to me that the top two spots went to women who actually experienced the 70s punk movement. Westwood in London and Madonna in New York. While Westwood focused heavily on the plaid aspect, Madonna dressed herself in punk love, all over her body: plaid, studs, torn fishnets, chains, and yes… a dog collar. Oh, she remembered it all. That night, Madonna embraced her own youth (rather than someone else’s… Ba dum bum!), and dove right in. That’s the spirit! She made every pretty princess starlet with a train look like a lady who’s lunch.

No. 2 - Christina Ricci - Vivienne Westwood Few can wear a corset like Christina Ricci, and no one...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:33:38 -0700

No. 2 - Christina Ricci - Vivienne Westwood

Few can wear a corset like Christina Ricci, and no one can make one like Vivienne Westwood. This is a fashion match that had to happen. And what better event for the two join forces? I was sure this would be the winner of the night until…

No. 3 - January Jones - Chanel JJ always takes risks so I shouldn’t be surprised that...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:29:39 -0700

No. 3 - January Jones - Chanel

JJ always takes risks so I shouldn’t be surprised that she was willing to ugly her face up with this futuristic glam rock look, but I kind of was, and pleasantly so. By willing to look like a Mad Woman, Jones easily wins Best Hair and Makeup of the night. (In this, she was rivaled only by the always great Emmy Rossum -whose gown, unfortunately, was just too damned sweet to make my list).

No. 4 - Daisy Bevan - ??? The dress seems like Renaissance Vinyl and I adore it, but...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:16:48 -0700

No. 4 - Daisy Bevan - ???

The dress seems like Renaissance Vinyl and I adore it, but it’s the shoes that best fit the occasion. They don’t appear to be moving in a spiral pattern, yet they’ve hypnotized me. I desperately want to wear them with Sienna Miller’s jacket next time I go to buy cat food at Target.

The Redgravelet even managed to upstage her formidable family tree - and that is saying a lot.

No. 5 - Sienna Miller and Cara Delevingne - Burberry The studded wonders! I couldn’t...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:09:22 -0700

No. 5 - Sienna Miller and Cara Delevingne - Burberry

The studded wonders! I couldn’t care less about the sheaths under them, it’s all about the tops. I find them spellbinding. And they’re Burberry! Burberry! You know, the house known for the trench coats and the famous check print. Burberry threw down!

No. 6 - Anja Rubik - Anthony Vaccarello Hoorah! After last year’s fashion disaster in which...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:03:05 -0700

No. 6 - Anja Rubik - Anthony Vaccarello

Hoorah! After last year’s fashion disaster in which I described Rubik as looking as if she had been “pawed by an oversexed lion”…

…the mega model made a very rational comeback in this new wave jacket dress. It’s like she ripped it right of the back of Ric Ocasek, added a tier of grommets, a pair of red heels and headed for the museum.

No. 7 - Gwen Stefani - Maison Martin Margiela The irony here is that Stefani has been...

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:57:00 -0700

No. 7 - Gwen Stefani - Maison Martin Margiela

The irony here is that Stefani has been incorporating a punk element into her ensembles ever since her 1930s dust bowl depression- “I’m in my house dress barefoot but with supermatte red lipstick”- look of her early 90s “Don’t Speak” video days. Yet, punk is not quite on display here. It’s like she’s been learning from Don Draper: The absence makes us think about it all the more. While she looks spare and elegant here, we can imagine riot grrrl Stefani dousing herself with Heinz ketchup and drowning herself off the beach of a fancy Hawaiian hotel.

No. 8 - Carey Mulligan - Balenciaga I went back and forth on including this because, a) It’s...

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:52:06 -0700

No. 8 - Carey Mulligan - Balenciaga

I went back and forth on including this because, a) It’s New Wave as filtered through the minimalist 90s and then trickled up to today and b) the styling is too spare. But frankly, I love it so much I just can’t care. I imagine she hogtied Tilda Swinton, took her outfit (and her hairdo) and went in her stead, and really, that’s kind of punk, no?

No. 9 - Rooney Mara - Givenchy Couture She always looks like this, so you know she probably...

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:46:53 -0700

No. 9 - Rooney Mara - Givenchy Couture

She always looks like this, so you know she probably arrived, looked around and thought “Oh, shit. There was a theme?” On previous red carpets, her goth tinge occasionally got tiresome, but here it worked to her best advantage. A nice marriage of darkness and light. Kudos to Givenchy for working with lace so beautifully and making your grandmother’s table cloth the last thing to come to mind.

MET GALA 2013 - TOP 10

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:42:41 -0700

Some women looked pretty as a picture (and some, like Katy Perry, chose to look exactly like one) but if their perfect ensembles didn’t have a hint of edge (I’m looking at you Jennifer Lawrence, Heidi Klum, and Uma Thurman), then they didn’t make the list because the theme of the night was “punk”.

I realized very quickly, however, we would be getting very little of that. On the red carpet, Pedro Almodóvar launched into the most fascinating story about how as a young man in Spain, he and his contemporaries, straining against the yoke of Franco, turned to punk fashion as a defiant show of individuality… and then he was abruptly cut off by Billy Norwich for being too interesting. Fashion people, may I suggest that in future when someone is so eloquently lending gravitas, not only to your special event, but to your entire profession, you let him do that.

Anyhoo… the night, as I saw it, belonged to those who best spoke through their clothing to the theme of the evening. Those who ignored it, are ignored by this list in return and have only their wealth, name recognition, worldwide adulation and fantastic looks to comfort them. Good luck with that.

Here we go…

No. 10 - Nina Dobrev - Monique Lhuillier

This is about as punk as Olivia Newton John was when she ground out the cigarette before singing “You’re The One That I Want” while wiggling around with John Travolta on an unsteady carnival contraption. But Grease came out in 1978, so… right time period. That counts for something. And she’s Dobrev. So, may the fierce be with her (Hey, that reference is still in period).

Someone just became a Belieber.

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:29:25 -0700

Someone just became a Belieber.

New Yorker Caption Contest #376 “I guess...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 11:45:30 -0700

New Yorker Caption Contest #376

“I guess ‘oratory’ doesn’t mean what I thought it did.”

Oh, I’m late to the party. I just saw this. Breaking...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 13:28:38 -0700

Oh, I’m late to the party. I just saw this. Breaking Away just might be my favorite American coming of age movie.

New Yorker Caption Contest #375 “… and as the yolk...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 13:08:22 -0700

New Yorker Caption Contest #375

“… and as the yolk was spilling out of me, it was you who came to embrace me! Imagine my surprise!”

New Yorker Caption Contest #371 “You haven’t heard...

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 17:00:24 -0700

New Yorker Caption Contest #371

“You haven’t heard of SWAT, have you?”

New Yorker Caption Contest #373 “For the last time, Mr....

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 16:38:23 -0700

New Yorker Caption Contest #373

“For the last time, Mr. Ailes, this is not how we find a mole.”

Drumroll (and drumstick, it is a party) please… No. 1 - Kate Bosworth - Giambattista...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 21:30:30 -0800

Drumroll (and drumstick, it is a party) please…

No. 1 - Kate Bosworth - Giambattista Valli

I was so hoping to see a couple of women on the Oscar red carpet in Giambattista Valli. If they were there, I missed them. I don’t know why Valli wasn’t more popular. Look at this gorgeous thing! The floral appliqué, the shine, the texture. This is something else. I love Bosworth’s choice of a Medieval hair braid to give it a romantic (I know, I’m mixing periods) mood. Yet the mini length, sparkle, minimalist sandal, and red lip all say “Today”. This is nice mix of everything. It’s timelessly current. This is an assured choice. She’s not just going to any party, she’s going to The Oscar Party… and she came to play.

No. 2 - Nina Dobrev - Naeem Khan I’m a little sad that Dobrev had to class this up with the...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 21:24:50 -0800

No. 2 - Nina Dobrev - Naeem Khan

I’m a little sad that Dobrev had to class this up with the black underlay, but not overly. The black adds terrific contrast, so you can really see the design. It does make me wonder if I had really applied myself in elementary art class, maybe I could have cut this out with paper and my little green scissors. The handbag is perfect, and Dobrev wisely kept her hair out of the way of the design. Everything is smart, tasteful (boo!) and original.

No. 3 - Marisa Tomei - Valentino Jumpsuit? Shit Valentino, that’s all you had to say!

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 21:20:50 -0800

No. 3 - Marisa Tomei - Valentino

Jumpsuit? Shit Valentino, that’s all you had to say!